Quotes from Drowning Sun
Slash: Ganassi uses ghost sound to quietly rouse the rest of the party.
Matt: [ loudly ] “What the hell is that noise?”
Josh: “We’re hunting.”
Patrick: “At night?”
Slash: You’re asleep; shut your face!
Patrick: No, you whispered to wake me up.
Slash: Oh, that’s right. But you’re still back at camp, so shut your face!
Josh: You’re awake after your little interlude in the forest.
Patrick: [ shudders ]
Josh: “How you doin’, cleric?”
Patrick: “I’ve been waiting all day to meet someone like you.”
Slash: “Wait, he’s a cleric?”
Slash: [ after a bard finishes describing the exploits of the party in his campaign ] Someone in that party is awfully gabby.
Josh: You see some miners….
Matt: They’re serving minors?!
Elyse: Did I get more money than Dominick?
Josh: Than Bennik the Wanderer?
Elyse: Benedict, sorry. I keep saying Dominick.
Slash: It’s not Benedict either.
Elyse: Whatever! Weeny Head. I’ll just call him Weeny Head from now on.
Matt: Does he know the name of the wind?
Patrick: I fall off a roof.
Josh: “What’s your story, wizard?”
Matt: [ as me ] “Well, there’s this drow….”
Patrick: He has a T-shirt that says, “I hate drow.”
Josh: “So tell me about your love for drow!”
Slash: I personally think you should incur a -1 penalty to attack rolls when you’re not drunk.
Matt: It’s the Jimi Hendrix curse.
Josh: Barton sees you off, saying, “Jim winks!”
Josh: Okay, so you’re in the sewers.
Matt: “What an amazing smell you’ve discovered!”
Through the Sewers
Josh: You hear water sounds…and a plop.
Elyse: Eww…was that Glurp?
Josh: “I went before we left! …I think it was Shiny.”
Slash: “You mean what plopped was Shiny?”
Patrick: That’s how I took it.
Josh: You carry D’kar piggyback?
Patrick: We duct-tape them together.
Josh: Glurp, because he has combat advantage, is going to let one fly….
Slash: And then he’s going to attack!
Elyse: Do you know what song is in my head right now?
Elyse: I just made it up!
Matt: I like that she asked you to guess the song in her head that she just made up.
Slash: [ after a low knowledge check on Giant Cockroaches ] I think they’re cockroaches…and they seem abnormally large.
Slash: What sort of hilarious series of checks would BFG have to make to boost off of the floating barrel in his jump across the sewer?
Josh: Probably acrobatics to balance on it on the way across.
Matt: Barrel! Barrel! Barrel! Glurp’s been giving you lessons; let’s go!
Josh: “Remember; it’s all about focus!”
Slash: If you manage to pull this off, it’ll be the awesome-est thing BFG has ever done. No pressure.
Patrick: [ rolls to jump and succeeds, rolls to balance, and… ] 15.
Josh: DC is 16. Why don’t you roll a save?
Patrick: I’m a cleric!
Slash: Pray really hard. Pelor will be very helpful to you here, underground.
Patrick: [ fails his save ]
Josh: You land on the barrel, slip, grab on, and the barrel slowly flips over. You take 2 damage, and you stink.
Elyse: Glurp doesn’t even talk to you now.
Josh: Glurp jumps across the sewer.
Slash: I imagine Glurp landing on the barrel and running, making the barrel spin around and around.
Josh: “Shiny, I’m trying to help!”
Josh: When you reach the water’s edge….
Slash: We throw BFG in.
Crossing the Lake Bed
Josh: They’re performing an evil ritual.
Matt: It sounds like this.
Slash: Ganassi puts on his cap of water breathing.
Patrick: “Why are we going underwater? My brother is over there.”
Slash: “Along with 30 cultists!” And the real reason is so he’ll stop playing that damned song! I just walk into the lake and toss the scroll back to you guys.
Elyse: Mot reads it then, I guess.
Josh: [ very deliberately ] “Mana, manam. Doo, doo. Doo-doot, doo.”
Patrick: Has anybody seen Piranha 3DD?
Slash: That’s a really weird bra size.
Slash: [ after missing with an attack ] BUT he takes half damage.
Josh: Your ‘but’ is loud.
Linc: What are they attacking me for? I’m already dead!
Josh: You’re still standing.
Slash: He could be raised. I’m not sure how raising a Revenant from the dead would work. He comes back as Jahnklein?
Patrick: Before I help you, I have a few questions….
Slash: Are you rolling a two-sided die or something?
Elyse: How do you make a two-sided die?
Slash: It’s a coin.
Elyse: I win!
Elyse: Vicious Mockery. [ rolls poorly ] Oops, I mocked myself by accident.
Slash: “I suck! I mean, you suck! Dammit!”
Matt: “How did I get that wrong?”
Patrick: BFG says, “Sit down. Just, sit. Sit!”
Slash: He’s the G to the L to the U-R-P, and ain’t no other goblin that can backstab like he. He’s Glurpilicious!
Desecrated Altar Room
Slash: You don’t have to shift first because he can’t opportunity attack on a close attack power.
Elyse: But shouldn’t he shift first so he doesn’t get an opportunity attack?
Slash: Ganassi gets up and mutters nasty things in Elven about the healers in the party.
Elyse: Oh yeah, whoops!
Linc: Apparently you need to die to get any attention around here.
Josh: It’s not undead; it just likes the taste of undead flesh.
Linc: “See ya!”
Slash: You might get a bonus to jump because of buoyancy.
Patrick: I’m wearing chainmail.
Matt: On my sheet, it says, “Using Divine Challenge to mark unde”
Slash: He is _unde_r the water….
Elyse: Oh, now I get a 20? Do I get extra saving?
Josh: You feel really good about your save.
Josh: Mot, you’re up.
Elyse: Oh! I attack! I kill!
Slash: [ targeting an attack on some enemies as well as Scarab and Glurp ]
Slash: I will Twist the Arcane Fabric to teleport Scarab over there.
Josh: Glurp sees that and says, “Blinky, you bastard! I’m going to backstab you! And then I’m going to front-stab you!”
Laurie: Elyse, do you want to share my shot?
Matt: Share a shot? That’s not possible!
Matt: Are we still playing D&D?
Josh: I am. “Me and Glurp!” I mean, I and Glurp. Stick around for the show afterward, where I sing my hat—“Sing my hat song!”
Slash: You are so losing it!
Josh (as Glurp): “Shiny, you’re my favorite.”
Josh (as Glurp): “Besides Mot. And Blinky, and Scarab, and D’kar…you’re right up there. You’re tied for second behind Mot.”
Slash: “Along with everybody else!”
Patrick: It’s hard to drink underwater; have you noticed that?
Slash: I’m sure BFG has it figured out.
Josh: A big straw up to the service.
Patrick: A NASA straw.
Josh: BFG would invent that.
Patrick: I’d invent NASA, so I could invent the NASA straw.
Josh: Describe its death.
Matt: It dies.
Priest Quarters and Infirmary
Elyse: A lot of dice touching going on.
Josh: Everyone’s playing with their dice bags.
Patrick: BFG opens the plain door.
Slash: Use the secret knock.
Patrick: “So thirsty!”
Slash: I search the room.
Josh: You find 4gp in an underwear drawer.
Slash: I leave it.
Elyse: Mot takes it!
Josh: Glurp was right behind Mot.
Josh: You find 4gp!
Slash: In an underwear drawer?
Josh: In an underwear drawer.
Slash: I leave it.
Josh: Glurp takes it!
Elyse: Mot takes it! Aww….
Chief Priest Quarters
Elyse: Sweaty eggs!
Josh: You hear moans behind the door.
Elyse: What kind of moaning?
Elyse: Just wondering. I want to know what we’re going into!
Matt: Lay your hands on yourself!
Elyse: [ singing ] I touch myself!
Josh: When I think about me!
[ talking about upcoming elections ]
Patrick: However, we could assume the identities of dead people.
Slash: We could. We should!
Patrick: I know how. I’m a cleric.
Josh: And I approve this message!
Matt: [ writing on his sheet ] Sanc…ti…fied…seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds.
Slash: That was in character.
Slash: I gesture the rest of the party forward.
Matt: I gesture back.
Josh: All of the niches are now recessed.
Slash: [ expecting more ] Uh…okay.
Patrick: We wait around.
Slash: I’m thinking we avoid attacks vs. Will.
Matt: [ as the paladin ] No problem!
Josh: You memorized all those dusty tomes already anyway.
Elyse: In the two days since he became a Pelor follower?
Slash: “Hey, Glurp! It’s your ancestors!”
Josh: “Screw you, Blinky! Looks like your mom!”
Elyse: [ as her sister returns with a receipt, teasing ] What did you get at Subway? It doesn’t say what you got!
Emma: [ joking ] We bought heroin.
Slash: With a credit card? Now that’s great customer service.
Slash: It is at this point in the combat that, in response to Ganassi’s attack, Ganassi yells at Mot, “Duck!”
Linc: The new healer isn’t close enough to heal her.
Josh: You’re the new healer?
Linc: You’re not the DM of me.
Elyse: Dude, that would make an awesome shirt.
Slash: [ silently points at Linc, who has worn such a shirt at every session we’ve played in recent memory ]
Trial of Faith
Patrick: [ rolls ] I know nothing about my religion.
Matt: 29 Religion.
Slash: 30 Religion.
Matt: I crit’ed mine.
Slash: I love how I know more about religion than both divine characters.
Josh: You feel like this is a trial of faith.
Slash: “After you, BFG.”
Elyse: “How’s that god-of-the-month?”
Slash: [ moving a stone with a strength check ] Crit! Super wizard!
Josh: You have 75 hernias, but you move the stone.
Slash: My arms now hang limply at my side.
Josh: Roll your save against radiant damage.
Elyse: [ rolls ]
Slash: Very no.
Elyse: I nearly hurt myself trying to save.
Matt: My god’s better than your god. He had little birdies.
Slash: And he went drinking with us!
Tombs of the Fallen
Josh: I’m your DM, my name is Josh.
Linc: Hi, Josh!
Slash: And I’m an alcoholic.
Elyse: And I’M an alcoholic.
Elyse: Let me put this in my mouth and then focus.
Slash: 6! 6 points of damage
Slash: For those on the audio, Linc just threw a die at Josh and crit’ed.
As the DM hides enemies on the Combat Display:
Josh: Ahhh! It’s the Heroes of Harken!
Patrick: We’re scared of them!
Talking about skeletal minion followers of Pelor:
Patrick: I think he was my first grade teacher.
Josh: Mrs. Schwartzman? “I always thought you were cute.”
Patrick: You’re as pretty as you were when I had you in first grade.
Matt: You haven’t changed a bit!
Spending an action point early in the encounter:
Elyse: That’s not a little premature?
Slash: Ganassi does nothing prematurely.
Josh (as Glurp): “You aren’t taking Shiny, you three-headed bastard!” and let’s it rip.
Matt: Josh’s characters have a habit of doing that.
Josh (as Glurp): “’scuse me.”
Josh: From under his robe [Val’throk the Skull Lord] withdraws his bone staff. rolls And completely wiffs with it.
While waiting for Linc to figure out an attack on Val’throk:
Josh: You win, he’s dead.
Patrick: He’s died of boredom.
Josh: He’s juggling his skulls.
Slash: circus music
With two thirds of the party bloodied:
Elyse: Who needs healing?
Slash to Matt, after being healed by Mot: Do you desire sli-dation?
Elyse: I shouldn’t have been drinking so fast, so soon. I should have paced myself.
Matt: You shouldn’t have had Patrick mixing the drinks.
Elyse: Oh, I like when Patrick miss…misses…mixes the drinks.
Dropping a piece of candy:
Elyse: I lost a nerd.
Slash: I’m sitting right here.
Patrick: This should be BFG’s moment to shine, being in Pelor’s Temple, though he hasn’t gotten any bonuses…
Patrick: BFG digs down deep, furrows his brow, and turns undead.
Josh: He turns undead?! Scarab, now you have a buddy!
Patrick: The big reveal! Now he can reach the Tomb Raider (meaning Skeletal Tomb Guardian).
Josh: Tomb Raider? Lara Croft!
Patrick: That’s why we’ve all missed.
Josh: I’m sure he won’t kill you.
Orcus in the Flesh
Elyse: Did you touch, did you do, did you fondle…
Elyse: Fondle laughs
Slash: I’m trying!
Elyse: Fondle it faster!
Searching for items:
Linc: rolls Crit!
Matt: rolls Crit!
Patrick: rolls Crit!
Josh: Everyone finds +6 magic weapons!
After receiving his new +6 item
Josh (as Glurp): “I will super cut a bitch!”
Josh: You would know the giant “T” stands for Tiamat.
Josh: Tarassque, sorry. Some T bad thing.
Matt: Tea Bag thing?
Slash: laughing Tea Bag thing.
Matt: [D’kar] grabs the [Holy Avenger] and says “Avenger’s assemble!”
Josh: Scarab is showing actual initiative!
Matt: It’ll look good on his performance review!
After Glurp destroys the Aspect of Orcus:
Josh: Glurp gets 24000 experience.
h2.Flight to the Fey Wild
Elyse: Mot asks if Sehanine can make her a couple inches taller
Josh: Maybe 3/4ths of an inch.
As Ganassi checks out the mystical library of Ioun:
Slash: There’s an entire book about the Forgotten Realms.
Josh (as Ganassi): “How can they be forgotten if they are right here in this book?”
Slash: Ioun facepalms.
Elyse: Mot asks Sehanine what her favorite Mot song is and asks her to sign her album.
Josh: “Like a sidekick” is everyone’s favorite song, everywhere.
Matt: It’s all over the place, like a Phineas and Ferb song.